A number of years ago a friend was having difficulties with her son. I thought that watching the kind and firm dog trainer on TV might help her to learn how to stay more consistent and clear with her son. A few weeks later she had recorded a number of episodes, and her son asked her, “Are we getting a dog?”
You might be surprised how often the subject of dogs comes up in the field of conflict resolution. How to handle and train Fido in the home, who gets custody of Muffy after a divorce, a difference of opinion about vet care for BooBoo, Tucker's damage to the neighbor’s deck, Honey being left behind with Mom and Dad by the college student, the Animal Control officer’s charge of neglectful care of Rex––all are dog conflicts our center has recently handled.
Bob Bordone, one of my favorite mediation thinkers, suggests learning from dogs as negotiatorsand learning how to negotiate with dogs. Here are some of his dog-related conflict resolution suggestions:
Consider interests - Dogs have some basic interests: food, exercise, being part of a team, knowing the rules. Cue into the other’s interests to build bridges.
Reward promptly, correct immediately - If Henry the dog does something positive, tell him immediately. Don’t punish him many hours later when he did something wrong, address it right away.
Be consistent and reliable - Trust with dogs is built when you can be counted on. Be the person who can be trusted, and show consistency.
Use emotional intuition - Dogs are amazing, they key into other’s energy and emotions. Follow the dog approach and you’ll create better connections with others.
Use a positive frame - People and dogs both prefer to be treated positively; cue the high-pitched happy voice you use with Fido or a similarly positive approach that works with humans.
Owen the mediation office dog
Owen comes to work a few times a week. He has an uncanny way of standing next to the person who, during the in-person mediation, would benefit from having a dog to pet. At other times Owen barks and whines inconsolably until I take him out for a little nature walk. When this happens, I appreciate his expert ability to negotiate. He connects his needs to mine by reminding me that I need a break.
Here is a much longer version of this column, with pictures of many cute dogs, including Owen in his sunglasses, and links to some articles and videos.