Conflict happens because of thoughts. Sounds obvious, right? Of course it is. Both people have thoughts, opinions, ideas. These concepts lead to actions. And sometimes the actions of two people are in conflict.

What's the most helpful type of question in conflict resolution? The open-ended type.

It is really hard to apologize well, to gather your thoughts, become humble, show genuine remorse and to communicate your 'I'm sorry' effectively.

We've been taught to think of most things in terms of the binary: Right • Wrong, Wonderful • Despicable, Angelic • Devilish, Acceptable • Unacceptable. Oftentimes, our instinct is to choose a binary side -- calling something good or bad: 'beets are SO good!' or 'no way, I CAN'T STAND collared shirts.' 

We tend to treat people and problems as one and the same. It is easy to conflate challenging conflicts and people. But, strong conflict resolvers know that this is a mistake.

The bigger the conflict...the slower your roll. Sometimes your first instinct is to act quickly. Nip it in the bud. Cut to the chase. 1,2,3 and done. And yes, if the situation is a safety or existential issue, then quicker might be better. 

Turn accusations, even if you're certain your conclusion is correct, into anopen and sincere question. Without much change in vocabulary, this simple tweak is an effective technique* toward positive conflict resolution.

Think of people you admire: a leader, a mentor, someone you respect. What do all these people have in common? Likely, they are good at the skill, art, craft, and science of listening. If you want to be respected, stop talking and start listening -- and not pretend listen -- genuine, appreciative and open-minded listening.

Get Started: It's also true that unresolved conflicts can be tough to get a handle on. So, where to start? Here’s an important, often overlooked, first step: Tell someone you want to resolve the conflict. Why can it be so hard to tell someone this?

An activity! Pick a conflict that has you stumped and... work your way through the Conflict Analysis Checklist below.

Avoid, Accommodate, Compete, Compromise, Collaborate describe the most common approaches to conflict. Though we all may have a basic nature, oftentimes our preferred approach is learned from others.

Some wonder if people are naturally born as conflict resolvers or conflict creators. 
Or if it is a function of their lived experiences.