Day 28: Families
By: Sara Barnes
We’ve all got families: birth, chosen, adoptive, step, nuclear, extended.
Whatever type of family is yours, along with the joys and shared milestones, there’s likely a common factor: unresolved conflict. Although each family constellation is unique and special, united by love, respect, and shared values, I'd venture to guess that all families have at least a few unresolved conflicts.
If you've decided to do some dispute resolution work with your family, the following step-by-step approach may be a helpful guide:
Step One.
Define the conflict for yourself. Fill in the sentence here: “The conflict is about _____. I want _______. (The other person) ____wants ____.”
Step Two.
Check your definition of the conflict with the other person. Try: “Do you have time to talk about something? I've been thinking about _____(the conflict topic). I think the conflict is about_____. I want _____. You want____. What do you think about that?” Then listen, listen, listen.
Step Three.
Say: “Can we try to resolve this? Do you have any ideas about what I can do to help it get resolved?” Again, listen, listen, listen. Say: “Do you want to hear my ideas about what I could do and what you could do?” Only share your ideas if invited. Share your ideas neutrally, without negativity.
Step Four.
Make a plan to try something. Give it a time frame. E.g.: “Let’s try this _____ (the plan) for two weeks and check back to see if things went better for both of us.” Work on this plan as a shared project between you and the other person.
Step Five.
Thank the other person for working with you on the conflict. Show them some family love and care. Move forward.
Just like any good, bad, or rewarding thing in life, doing family right can, at times, be a hard journey.
With a focus on the uniting aspects of families and a commitment to work through the hardest of conflicts, here's a toast to families of all kinds and to a season of joy and togetherness.
Today is Christmas, celebrated in the Christian world, a day for family, gifts and Santa Claus.
Merry Christmas to all who celebrate.