Day 30: Values
By: Sara Barnes
Conflicts are driven by values:
Pick a conflict, any conflict. You don't have to look too deeply to see that the conflict is, at least in part, fueled by individual values.
Principles and values are relatively synonymous, but when you put two divergent sets of values up against each other then presto, you've got a conflict.
Generally, the stronger the value is held, the bigger the conflict.
In mediation, we often hear: "it’s the principle of it." Underneath that statement is a strongly held value. you may have search for the right one by asking the speaker.
The Conflict Iceberg:
The conflict iceberg gives us a good perspective on where values fall in relation to behaviors that fuel conflict. From the outside, we can't see a below the surface view of the other person's values.
So, being aware of how another person's values might play into a conflict can be helpful amid controversy.
And, sometimes upon self-reflection, people are surprised that they, themselves, are strongly driven by certain sets of values in a conflict scenario.
Some things you can do to explore values:
Check out the big list of values. Pick out your own strongly held personal values. Try putting them in priority order. What value is most important to you? How does it relate to your life?
Think about some unresolved conflicts around you. Can you detect any values driving the controversies?
Check with others about their values. You might say: It seems like you really care about (fill in blank with a values word). Do I have that right?
Is there someone in your life who puzzles you? Try to figure out what core values are most important to them.
What are your personal values?
Does thinking about values provide you with new insights about resolving disputes in your life?
Happy Kwanzaa, the African American holiday from December 25 - January 1, with a principle for each day.
Today is Kujichagulia, Swahili for self-determination.