Day 11: You Can Apologize Better
By: Sara Barnes
The Apology
It is really hard to apologize well, to gather your thoughts, become humble, show genuine remorse and to communicate your 'I'm sorry' effectively.
Why are apologies so hard?
When we contemplate an apology, fears -- of your own reputation and/or of the recipient's reaction -- can creep in. As writer Tammy Lenski said: “She will lash out. Others will hear. She will not accept the apology. She will write me off. She will be holier than thou. I will feel shame.”
Bad apologies:
It's safe to say, we've all experienced bad apologies as a recipient or as a creator of some ourselves or both.
Here are the top four ineffective apology approaches:
Failing to take meaningful responsibility.
Focusing on their own good intentions instead of the impact of their words or actions.
Using "if" or "but" as in "I’m sorry if you were offended" and "I'm sorry, but you took it the wrong way."
Sounding rote or mechanical, or coming across as uncaring or disingenuous.
How to apologize better:
When crafting an apology, make sure to include these two components:
Acknowledge your responsibility. This demonstrates willingness to “own” the impact of your words and/or actions.
Offer to repair the damage that was done. This helps restore the tangible and/or intangible effects resulting from the mistake or harm.
The Apology Process:
The apologizing person should focus on implementing sincere and earnest body language and a positive vocal tone, creating a conducive setting.
Apologize. Then allow the other person to decide what they do with your apology.
Why? Because an apology is not designed to change the other person. It's designed to clear the air after you've made a mistake or caused harm. We all need to apologize when that happens. Don't wait too long. Apologize when you need to, it makes a difference.
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