Day 16: Conflict Components - Interests
By: Sara Barnes
The key to conflict resolution is understanding interests.
Once you get this concept, conflicts start to make sense. Interests are not positions.
The two are paired traditionally in conflict resolution training, because to understand one helps to explain the other -- not because they are one in the same.
Let's look at Langley, my pygmy goat, standing on my porch last summer, against my wishes. What's his position? Give me the day lilies. And the forsythia. And whatever's growing in the terracotta pot. I’m going to stand on the porch.
What's my approach? First, as background, goats are hard to scare or influence, so yelling or sweet talking doesn't work. I do know a bit about Langley, though. He has two interests that motivate him. Food and curiosity, in that order. Knowing his interests, I offer him some goat feed and start walking into another part of the yard. Appealing to his interests (I like that food a lot and I wonder where she is going) helps me get Langley off the porch.
In this conflict between my interests (the goat should stay in his pen and I want my day lilies to survive) and Langley's interests (described above), I do not fight against his position. To do that, by the way, requires grabbing him by his horns, holding on to his collar and pushing with my whole body to make him go where I want, a battle of strength I usually lose.
Instead, I look underneath his position to see if I can appeal to his interests. His interests are not specific to day lilies, so the feed satisfies his food interest. And his curiosity interest is served by following my trek across the yard back to the safety of the goat pen.
What are Positions?
We express positions in a variety of ways, sometimes framing them as an immediate need or the only available option.
To identify a statement as a position, ask yourself: can I say yes or no to this? Try it with a few examples below, which show how someone might frame their position:
Can I have $20?
I want $20.
I need $20.
Give me $20.
You are going to give me $20.
What are Interests?
Note that you can say yes or no to all these $20 statements. In fact, you probably have an innate desire to learn more about why this person is asking for $20. The answer to that question -- why do you want $20? -- defines the person’s interests.
I’m hungry, but I lost my wallet and need to buy lunch.
I spent all my money on scratch lottery tickets expecting it to be a good investment, and now I can’t afford to buy a bus ticket home.
Last week I loaned you $20, and you haven’t paid me back.
I’m your thirteen-year-old son who does not have a job, and I would like to go to the movies with my friends.
Each of the statements above express interests in the order of: hunger, travel, unpaid debt, peer friendship. None of these statements request anything of you. Rather, they tell you what is motivating the other person.
In short: Interests tell us what we are negotiating about, what motivates us and what need or desire we’re hoping to fulfill. Positions demand or request something as a solution to fulfill those interests.
People often fight hard for their positions because they have no experience with discussing underlying interests. They hold to positions because they believe it may be the only way to meet their needs.
Not the best approach.
The negotiation rule is, you can't negotiate between positions, but you can negotiate when you have uncovered underlying interests.