, ,

Asking the Right Question: Conflict Resolution Strategy Number One

, ,

Asking the Right Questions: Conflict Resolution Strategy Number One

Sara Barnes, Lead Mediator

Not sure how to solve a conflict? Put some effort into asking the right question. Here are few types of questions that might help to resolve a conflict.

Open Ended Questions: These show you are interested in finding out what the other person is thinking or getting more insight into who they are. Open ended questions can't be answered with yes or no or a discreet piece of information. They ask for the person to reveal their thinking. Can you tell me more about that? is an open ended question. Or I was wondering what your reaction is? or another What are your thoughts about that?

Use questions to open communication: Instead of an accusation, You didn't pick up your socks because you know it annoys me. Try asking a question, I am wondering if the reason you didn't pick up your socks is because you know its upsetting to me? Asking a genuine question opens the possibility of working together to solve problems. Try turning an accusation into a true inquiry into what happened and why.

Use questions to identify needs: Try: What can we do about it? or What would you like to see happen? or What do you need from me? or Why is that important to you? or Why does that matter to you? When you show interest in what is meaningful to the other person you are building a communication bridge.

Problem Solving questions. The idea with resolving a conflict is to change it from a battle and turn it into a shared project. Ask a question that shows you are willing to work with the other person. How would you see us solving this together? or What would be your solution? or What do you suggest? or make use of your knowledge of the other's needs What can we do so you get (your need) and I get (my need)?

Using questions to help resolve conflicts is connected to your vocal tone and stance. Try opening up your torso to the other person, keeping your tone calm and kind and use the best tool in your toolbox, a real and honest question. If you are stuck and can't remember any other questions, remember this one. What can we do to resolve this conflict? Do you have any ideas?

Then use your other number one tool. Listen. Then listen more. And keep listening.

Here at MVMP we have various services that can help. We hope to be able to ask the right question. And we are GREAT listeners.

Testimonials

“I was terrified when I came into the court. It seemed like the end of the world. Thanks to my compassionate and understanding mediators, I was able to have a productive conversation with someone I considered an adversary. I couldn’t believe we were able to work it out without going in front of a judge. Thank you MVMP.”

– Small Claims Client

“I was really not looking forward to mediation. But it turned turned out to be relatively pleasant. I really enjoyed working with the two of you. I plan to recommend mediation to others.”

– Divorce Client

“You brought us all together. It was awesome. I am so relieved. All our people felt uplifted, more united and part of a team. In particular one Board member said she felt she was taken care of with kindness and wisdom. We all know each other much better, have defined our work together and are in such better shape than we were when we started. Thank you MVMP.”

– Facilitation Client

“If you have the chance to do Conflict Coaching, DO IT! It was eye opening for me. My coach was kind, insightful and such a great listener. Most importantly, I learned so much about myself and about how I handle conflict. I now have a good, solid conflict management plan for the future.”

– Conflict Coaching Client

“It was valuable to help me handle a current conflict in my workplace. Putting a positive spin on conflict was an eye-opener for me. It gives me a structure to address problems. We had a very serious conflict at work recently so this is very important and relevant to me right now.”

– Workplace Conflict Management Services