We Can Work It Out!

Mediator Musings: Conflict Resolution Essentials

Sara Barnes, Executive Director

Polarization. Unbridgeable divide. Entrenched separation. Hardened attitudes. 

 We are living in difficult times. In the world of conflict resolution there's a lot of work to be done.

 Are you in this situation?  Is there a friend, family member, co-worker or community member with whom you have a seemingly unresolvable break in your connection?  Are you having trouble building bridges back to understanding?  Here's a few ideas of how to proceed:

  • Tell the other person you want to try to fix things. See if the other person is willing. If they don't want to repair the connection, you'll have to wait until you have a willing partner.

  • Listen to understand what is happening for the other person, and how they see the conflict from their point of view. Listen without your rebuttal ready. Listen with an open mind to understand the other person's identity and values.

  • Reflect back what you think you heard and check to see if you have understood what the other person has shared. Be willing to amend your understanding.

  • Ask if the other person would like to know how you see things. Wait to hear that they are interested and receptive before you provide them with your ideas.

  • Speak honestly and speak for yourself.

  • Offer a sincere response to this interchange. You might say, "We see things quite differently. I'm really glad that we are talking. I want to keep up our connection"

  • Refrain from making assumptions, diagnosing, judging or condemning. Take some time to consider what you have learned about the other person.

  • Decide what you want to do next, knowing you cannot change anyone but yourself.

  • Seek support from your circle of care to handle your feelings and frustrations.

  • Try to keep the door open as long as you can without burning bridges.

  • Give yourself a pat on the back for being a brave and caring person who works to undo a conflict and to preserve a human connection.

Here's a really remarkable and optimistic list of organizations and programs working to support these kinds of conversations.  Click on any of the over three hundred links to see the breadth of work on conflict resolution, bridging divides and mutual understanding. There's good news here. Help to bridge the divide

 If you need help talking things out, mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation and discussion support services can help. We can help you to work things out.  MV Mediation is here to serve our community.  More here 

We Can Work It Out!

We Can Work It Out!

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– Divorce Client

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– Facilitation Client

“If you have the chance to do Conflict Coaching, DO IT! It was eye opening for me. My coach was kind, insightful and such a great listener. Most importantly, I learned so much about myself and about how I handle conflict. I now have a good, solid conflict management plan for the future.”

– Conflict Coaching Client

“It was valuable to help me handle a current conflict in my workplace. Putting a positive spin on conflict was an eye-opener for me. It gives me a structure to address problems. We had a very serious conflict at work recently so this is very important and relevant to me right now.”

– Workplace Conflict Management Services