Day 19: Body Language
By: Sara Barnes
We're going to talk about bodies. No, don't click off. There's no way to talk about body language without talking about bodies.
Let's get this out of the way first: your body is perfect just as it is. Your grey, your wrinkles, your paunch, your height, your weight is absolutely great. Forget all those messages designed to make you feel diminished about your body. You are wonderful just as you are!
Your body is an accomplished, ever changing conflict resolving resource. It plays a role in conflict management and helping to make our world more peaceful.
Body Language & Conflict Resolution:
Let's use a crucial tool in our toolbox -- our bodies. For something so important, we spend amazingly little time focused on how to use our bodies to best effect.
Facial expression --
We can make and recognize around 250,000 facial expressions. Which ones work best for you?
Be careful not to mirror other's expressions --
Others yawn, you yawn, right? We all mirror each other, it’s a natural human process. Be careful not to mirror the expressions of others, unless you want to.
Neutral expression --
Having the capability to hold a neutral expression comes in handy. We all have tiny muscular movements in our faces, called micro expressions, and they are easily picked up on by others. After millions of years of evolution, our species has survived by quickly detecting clues from others. To achieve a neutral expression, your thought process might need to be neutral. If you clear your mind and reserve judgement, your facial expression is likely to follow.
Relax your facial muscles --
To relax your face, try some facial stretches. Squinch up all your muscles, count to 5 and relax for 10. Do this a few times. Then open your mouth as wide as possible for 5 and relax for 10. Just these two exercises, taking only a few minutes, can help your face to relax and show your open mind to others.
Gestures --
We have all developed habits for use of our bodies when communicating. Much of this is cultural, some is unexamined. Think about your gestures and how they come across to others and learn about other cultures' impressions which may differ from your own.
No matter where your habitual gestures come from, there are a few that are generally difficult and can undermine a peaceful communication.
Not Helpful Gestures:
Pointing and jabbing fingers
Crossed arms and legs
Clenched fists
Quick and jerky moves
Banging the table
Shrugging or dismissive moves
Hands on hips
There are also some helpful gestures that can be supportive during difficult conversations. Consider focusing on adopting these.
Helpful Gestures:
Head nodding with understanding and acceptance
Open hand gestures
Arms uncrossed
Chest exposed
Slow, deep breathing
Being mindful of personal space
Body and Stance:
The reason the judge is up high in the court indicates the elevation of the judge role.
If you, however, want to develop a sense of mutuality, be at at an equal or lower level. If your social role might convey an elevation, try getting slightly lower to create an equal playing field. If you are tall and have to look down on people when standing, see if you can find a stool or table to lean on to become eye to eye. No one likes to be loomed over, and even with the best of intentions, our natural reaction toward keeping ourselves safe can hinder collaborative dispute resolution.
Squaring off your body to the other person is another aspect for awareness. Seeing someone only showing their side and turning away may be interpreted as a lack of commitment or fear of interaction. To show you are sincere and open, open up your torso to the other person and sit up, indicating the interaction is important to you.
The overall trick is to develop body language awareness.
First, pay attention to what you want to learn and improve.
Then, start looking at the body language of others and pick up on tips to emulate.
Use your best asset, your body, to help resolve conflict.