MATCHING THE RIGHT CONFLICT TO THE RIGHT SERVICES

WHILE WE ARE KEEPING SOCIAL DISTANCE AND HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS, LET’S DO SOME CONFLICT RESOLUTION…

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MATCHING THE RIGHT CONFLICT TO THE RIGHT SERVICES

Which conflicts are appropriate for which conflict services?

You may not have noticed it but we are all always swimming in conflict. We are so used to it, we don't notice that we have conflict all around. Its like the fish who encounters another fish who then asks "how's the water?" The first fish replies "water, what's water?"

Internal conflict, interpersonal conflict, workplace conflict, political conflict, spiritual conflict, historical conflict, international conflict, family conflict and on and on. There's a lot of conflict going around. Conflict can be depleting and demoralizing. In our work, we want to counter this common impression and to instead help people to see conflict as an opportunity to learn, grow, gain deeper understanding and to develop new innovation. Human history and development has been fueled by conflict and humanity's drive to overcome adversity. We have a hopeful approach to conflict.

Which services, systems and tools are the right ones for each different conflict job? Here's a quick overview.

Internal conflict

We all have internal conflict and there are various ways to make decisions. Most of us respond to internal conflict by puzzling it out on our own, weighing pros and cons, researching and giving our personal conflicts some time to become clear in our own minds. When a life pattern becomes a problem we might seek help from others such as support groups or friends and family. When difficult behavior patterns have negatively impacted the quality of our lives, a therapist, counselor or other professional can provide needed support. When patterns of handling conflict are the source of the internal conflict, conflict coaching can be helpful so the individual can work with a coach to develop new approaches to conflict.

Interpersonal Conflict

When a conflict arises that needs to be resolved between people, there is a continuum of how to handle that conflict. One individual involved can use conflict resolution strategies and reach out to the other person and negotiate a resolution. A trusted and neutral person can facilitate a discussion between the conflicting parties--creating a more positive environment for communication and shared understanding. Formal mediation may be needed, where a qualified and neutral mediator works with the disputants through a structured protocol.

When interpersonal conflict rises to a higher level, the process of conciliation/settlement conference can be the needed approach--usually within the legal framework and based upon law and legal precedents. Arbitration is a formal process that happens outside of court, but within the bounds of the legal system with an arbitrator--basically a privatized judge--deciding the outcome. At the farthest end of this continuum, we see court and legal rulings as the decision-making structure.

On this continuum (see below) we move from left to right, from fully self-determined to fully not self-determined outcomes. Picking the place to start is the important decision--unless you are looking for a legal ruling or to set a precedent in the law--farther over to the left would generally make the most sense. Community mediation programs can offer facilitation, mediation and conciliation services and help to empower the disputants and preserve their self determination.

Bullying, Harassment, Coercion and Manipulation

Last week we talked about bullying as a set of behaviors that are off the conflict resolution chart. Harassment, coercion and manipulation are there too--beyond the realm of conflict resolution services. These syndromes are based on the bully attempting to have power over another person--and these situations are not likely to be resolved through a solely mutual process. They must be handled by those in power, in alliance with the person being harmed. This is where the boss, principal, police and criminal justice system have to provide support for the intended victim. Once the situation is well in hand, the restorative justice system can be used in order to restore the dignity to the affected person and allow the offender to earn their way back to community acceptance.

Societal conflict

Public awareness, social movements, political involvement, community empowerment, economic advocacy, environmental activism are approaches to bigger and more structural conflicts in our world. Its important to pull the lens wider out to look at these societal conflicts in order to fill in the conflict picture. For those who are the targets of a structural system that causes discrimination and degradation, the individual conflicts are not easily solved in a case by case basis. The societal structure is the cause of the conflict. Looking back on social movements in the past that struggled to overcame such unfair structures, we can see that these movements are a part of the full spectrum of conflict resolution.

Do this:

  • Review the various services and methods of conflict resolution. Can you see places in your life and community where these services would be helpful?

  • Take a moment to look at all the conflict around you. Don't forget the political, economic and historical conflict upon which your life is built. Instead of hiding from conflict, try to find as many conflicts as you can. Write, draw or otherwise depict yourself swimming in conflict.

  • We are part of a statewide network of Massachusetts community mediation programs. Take a look. Resolution MA

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Testimonials

“I was terrified when I came into the court. It seemed like the end of the world. Thanks to my compassionate and understanding mediators, I was able to have a productive conversation with someone I considered an adversary. I couldn’t believe we were able to work it out without going in front of a judge. Thank you MVMP.”

– Small Claims Client

“I was really not looking forward to mediation. But it turned turned out to be relatively pleasant. I really enjoyed working with the two of you. I plan to recommend mediation to others.”

– Divorce Client

“You brought us all together. It was awesome. I am so relieved. All our people felt uplifted, more united and part of a team. In particular one Board member said she felt she was taken care of with kindness and wisdom. We all know each other much better, have defined our work together and are in such better shape than we were when we started. Thank you MVMP.”

– Facilitation Client

“If you have the chance to do Conflict Coaching, DO IT! It was eye opening for me. My coach was kind, insightful and such a great listener. Most importantly, I learned so much about myself and about how I handle conflict. I now have a good, solid conflict management plan for the future.”

– Conflict Coaching Client

“It was valuable to help me handle a current conflict in my workplace. Putting a positive spin on conflict was an eye-opener for me. It gives me a structure to address problems. We had a very serious conflict at work recently so this is very important and relevant to me right now.”

– Workplace Conflict Management Services