WHILE WE ARE KEEPING SOCIAL DISTANCE AND HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS, LET’S DO SOME CONFLICT RESOLUTION…
CONFLICT COMPONENTS - INTERESTS
Focus closely on Interests
Its the 39th day of our Working From Home daily message. And if you forget all 38 previous messages, remember this. The key to conflict resolution is understanding interests. Once you get this concept, conflicts start to make sense. If a person takes on the simple and profound concept of interests, its like the windshield becomes clear after having been previously fogged and the contours of the conflict landscape come into view.
What interests are not
Interests are not positions.The two are paired traditionally in conflict resolution training, because to understand one helps to explain the other. Let's look at Langley the pygmy goat, standing on my porch against my wishes last summer. What's his position? I want the day lilies. And the forsythia and whatever that is in the terracotta pot. And I want to stand on the porch. What's my approach? First of all you have to know that goats are hard to scare or influence, so yelling or sweet talking doesn't work. I do know a bit about Langley, though. He has two interests that usually motivate him. Food and curiosity, usually in that order. Knowing his interests, I offer him some goat feed and I start walking into another part of the yard. Appealing to his interests--I like that food a lot, and I wonder where she is going--helps me to get Langley to follow me off the porch.
In this conflict between my interests - the goat should stay in his pen and I want my day lilies to survive - and Langley's interests described above, I do not act to fight against his position. To do that, by the way, requires grabbing him by his horns, holding on to his collar and pushing with my whole body to make him go where I want. Instead I look underneath his position to see if I can can appeal to his interests. His interests are not specific to day lily leaves, so providing him with the feed satisfies his food interests. A win-win all around. Langley follows me around the yard--his curiosity interest - until he is safely back behind the gate in the goat yard having enjoyed his walk and his snack.
What are Interests, and Why Do They Matter?
An excerpt from MWI's Chuck Doran and Megan Winkeler blog describes positions and interests in non-goat terms.
Let’s say a person walks up to you and says, “I want you to give me $20!” Not knowing this person, you tell him no. Or, maybe you say yes. Either way, the demand for $20 is the person’s position. Positions are requests or demands to which you can say yes or no. In response to the person asking you for $20, you can choose to approve or deny this request. You might add other demands of your own – “I will give you $20 if you help me unload my groceries” or “I will not give you $20 unless you agree to buy me lunch next week.” The demands you add are your positions in the negotiation.
We express positions in a variety of ways, sometimes framing them as an immediate need or the only available option. To identify a statement as a position, ask yourself: can I say yes or no to this? Try it with a few examples below, which show how someone might frame their position.
Can I have $20?
I want $20.
I need $20.
Give me $20.
You are going to give me $20.
Note that you can say yes or no to all of these statements. They are all demands or requests made of you by the other person. Of course, you can choose to respond to the demand for $20 in other ways than a simple yes or no. In fact, you probably have an innate desire learn more about why this person is asking for $20. The answer to that question – why do you want $20? – defines the person’s interests. Let’s look at some possible responses from our fictional negotiator:
I’m hungry, but I lost my wallet and need to buy lunch.
I spent all my money on scratch lottery tickets expecting it to be a good investment, and now I can’t afford to buy a bus ticket home.
Last week I loaned you $20, and you haven’t paid me back.
I’m your thirteen-year-old son who does not have a job, and I would like to go to the movies with my friends.
Each of the statements above express interests. I want to buy lunch because I’m hungry. I want to get home, and the bus is the best way I know of to do that. I want to be made whole for the money I loaned you. I want to go to the movies with my friends. None of these statements are requesting anything of you. Rather, they are telling you what motivates the other person in the negotiation. In short: interests tell us why we are negotiating with someone. They explain what motivates us and what need we’re hoping to fulfill. Positions, on the other hand, demand or request something from our counterpart to fulfill those interests.
Positions and Interests in your daily life
Do you have a Langley standing on your porch in real life? Interest-based negotiation allows us to improve relationships. The son and daughter in the positional bargaining yelled, fought, and walked away resenting the other. The son and daughter, in the alternate interest based conflict resolution, considered each other's interests, figured out how to help the other person to reach their interests, and both left happy and with an intact relationship.
People fight hard for their positions because they have no experience with the process of looking underneath demands to uncover the underlying interests. They hold to their positions because they believe it may be the only way to meet their needs. Intransigence is fairly often fueled by lack of experience or imagination that there may be other ways to resolve the conflict. The rule is, you can't negotiate between positions, yet you can negotiate between interests.
How do you get to interests?
This is a lifelong mystery and puzzle that can occupy your thought process. People are unpredictable and amazingly surprising in their complexity. Go humans! Go complexity! Use your question asking skills and thoughtful detective work to see if you can figure out what the interests are that are fueling someone's positions. Impress your friends and family with your amazing and intuitive ability to understand where they are coming from by detecting their interests. In so doing you will have created an environment where conflicts can be resolved and mutual understanding can be built together.
As the image above shows, the best structure is when power becomes a more minor player in the conflict resolution process and interests are what disputants emphasize as they work things out together. The pyramid on the right is grounded, balanced and strengthened by attention to interests. In your workplace, family, organization, which of the two depictions fit your situation? If you want to have a more healthy and productive structure, don't focus on positions but look more deeply to find the individual and collective interests.
Do this:
Check out MWI’s Negotiation & Mediation Blog:
More on positions and interests.
Do you remember the story of the orange conflict? Look at it again to consider positions and interests video.
