NEW ATTITUDE - FOCUS ON MUTUALITY

WHILE WE ARE KEEPING SOCIAL DISTANCE AND HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS, LET’S DO SOME CONFLICT RESOLUTION…

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NEW ATTITUDE - FOCUS ON MUTUALITY

Mutuality

is the way forward

We are all in this together. Its a phrase we are leaning on a lot in the present moment. There is nothing like a scary crisis to bring people together. We see mutual appreciation expressed effusively with the 7pm public clapping, singing, banging pots and pans. Have you heard about this? The nurses, doctors, cleaners and first responders are out trying to save humanity. Everyone else is sequestered in their homes across the country. At 7pm people come out to the balcony, or open the window or stand on their steps and make lots of noise. What they are saying is Thank you for helping! We appreciate you for doing your job to save lives! We are home and trying to stay safe and you are out there risking your life--but we have not forgotten you! We are proud of our fellow humans who are doing good!

The 7pm collective cheer is a demonstration of mutuality. Mutuality is a positive, interactive relationship between people.The word comes from mutual meaning given and received in a reciprocal way. Mutual is familiar language and its used in various ways such as:

  • mutual trust: promises kept, equality ability to count on one another

  • mutual benefit: life enhanced due to connection

  • mutual support: help each other and give each other aid

  • mutual admiration: have high regard and respect for each other

Mutuality is all of these wrapped up in the reciprocity of working to understand each other's perspective, interests and outlook.

Mutuality in conflict resolution

In mediation we work to help disputants to experience mutuality with each other. If there is a stand off, folks might need to let down their guard, work to listen better, put aside their assumptions, slow down. Once both parties are actively trying to resolve their conflict, the idea is to help them to develop some level of mutuality. This is important and sometimes has a dramatic effect. When someone walks in another's shoes, it can be profound. The mediator asks, 'can you describe where we are from the other person's way of understanding it?' It works.

In conflict coaching we ask the clients to pick a conflict and go through the process of analyzing that conflict. Then we walk the person through the conflict from the position of the other person. Its pretty amazing to witness this process, guided by a professional conflict coach. The client in coaching fairly often has an epiphany. Its uplifting to see that the process of reviewing the conflict with a mutuality lens can really help add conflict resolution tools to the client's toolbox. Seeing through other's eyes provides the perspective that opens up doors and paths that can lead toward resolution.

Learning mutuality

Cinnie Noble, who designed the CINERGY conflict coaching process has put together a set of questions that can open up mutuality. Consider these as you work to expand your way of looking at a situation:

  • How would you describe what you and the other person disagreed upon in that situation? How would the other person describe what you disagreed on?

  • What did the other person say or do that particularly provoked you?

  • What did you say or do that may have stood in the way of the other person being able to hear you and understand you?

  • What did you expect from the other person?

  • What do you think the other person may have expected from you?

  • What don’t you know about the other person’s perspective? What doesn’t the other person know about your perspective on this situation?

  • What would you say you both agree on?

  • What would you do differently if you had it to do over again?

  • What may be threatening, uncomfortable or concerning for you to engage the other person in a conversation to better understand what happened and to make amends if you want to? How about for him or her?

  • If you want things between you to be resolved in a mutually satisfactory way, what would that be and how may you facilitate that?

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Testimonials

“I was terrified when I came into the court. It seemed like the end of the world. Thanks to my compassionate and understanding mediators, I was able to have a productive conversation with someone I considered an adversary. I couldn’t believe we were able to work it out without going in front of a judge. Thank you MVMP.”

– Small Claims Client

“I was really not looking forward to mediation. But it turned turned out to be relatively pleasant. I really enjoyed working with the two of you. I plan to recommend mediation to others.”

– Divorce Client

“You brought us all together. It was awesome. I am so relieved. All our people felt uplifted, more united and part of a team. In particular one Board member said she felt she was taken care of with kindness and wisdom. We all know each other much better, have defined our work together and are in such better shape than we were when we started. Thank you MVMP.”

– Facilitation Client

“If you have the chance to do Conflict Coaching, DO IT! It was eye opening for me. My coach was kind, insightful and such a great listener. Most importantly, I learned so much about myself and about how I handle conflict. I now have a good, solid conflict management plan for the future.”

– Conflict Coaching Client

“It was valuable to help me handle a current conflict in my workplace. Putting a positive spin on conflict was an eye-opener for me. It gives me a structure to address problems. We had a very serious conflict at work recently so this is very important and relevant to me right now.”

– Workplace Conflict Management Services