WHILE WE ARE KEEPING SOCIAL DISTANCE AND HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS, LET’S DO SOME CONFLICT RESOLUTION…
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU THINK
You can take control of your thoughts
You have heard that you can control your own actions. And that you should. But control your thoughts?
Yes. You are in charge of what you think. And taking control of your own thoughts can make a big difference in resolving conflicts and strengthening your relationships.
Conflict happens because of thoughts. Sounds obvious, right? Of course it is. Both people have thoughts, opinions, ideas. These concepts lead to actions. And sometimes the actions of two people are in conflict.
Working on your thoughts
If you want to learn how to take responsibility for your thoughts, in order to more effectively handle conflict, a checklist may help. Training yourself to move beyond reactive thoughts, and to work your way through a checklist can help you to more effectively control your thinking. Everyone needs a different checklist, you can come up with your own based on your own challenges.
Why a checklist? Because when you are triggered or have had your values challenged, the tendency is to react. You need training to not react too quickly. Just like the trained airplane pilot, emergency room doctor, mechanic or other skilled professional; a standard list can lead you to expand your thinking in the moment. This is called a heuristic, a mental shortcut that allows an individual to make a decision, pass judgment, or solve a problem quickly and with minimal mental effort.
Conflict resolution heuristic example
Below is one checklist that can help train your brain. Everyone can develop their own. Try using a checklist like this in order to walk your thoughts through the consideration of any conflict. Start with low level situations. Any new habit requires practice and intention.
When a conflict arises, you might want to walk your thoughts through this checklist:
I might be wrong. Be open to changing your ideas.
The other person has taken actions for a good reason.
Is there a question I could ask that would help me understand?
My emotions may be telling me something about myself.
I might see things differently in the morning.
I have learned from other conflicts, I can learn from this.
Do you see how this works? Its a shortcut that you can use to work your way through, in order to not be mired in the muck. If you take your thoughts by the hand, put aside unproductive ideas and open a new route to take, you can develop a more well trained mind. You can take responsibility for your thoughts.
Do this: