How and when and where did you learn about how to handle conflicts? Most of us have learned our personal conflict management approaches from the modeling of others. Throughout your life you were watching, observing, considering, and trying out new methods and developing your own style as a conflict resolver.
The idea is to trace your conflict learning history throughout your life, take a step back and see if you understand yourself better. “No one ever asked me to trace my conflict learning steps throughout my life. What an interesting process. I’m going to have my sisters do it with me when I see them over the holidays.”
This is not about judging or condemning. The question you are answering is this: What did you learn about handling conflict and who did you learn it from? You may find the Thomas-Kilman matrix (see below) helpful to name your approaches .
Trace your conflict history throughout your life, and see what you come up with. From early childhood, through school and young adulthood, to today, see if you can find your footsteps as a conflict resolver. Then, if you like, set a goal for who you want to become as you travel along this lifelong journey.
Here is a longer version of Musings for you to read.
