When people think about conflict, they usually think negatively. Our work is about moving conflict concepts away from the lose-lose mentality to a win-win one, where conflict becomes...
MV Mediation is pleased to announce a $2,500 grant from the Martha’s Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation to support the Youth Mediation Program and Peace Curriculum. The Peace Curriculum, developed by Executive Director Sara Barnes, is a 10-week conflict resolution and positive communication program designed to teach conflict resolution to the students of Martha’s Vineyard. Using integrative and hands-on activities, students learn to apply skills to resolve conflict in their day-to-day lives.
My sidekick NPR radio and I were driving to the boat. This followed a busy visit off-island to see family. On the radio was Jon Meacham, the historian, suggesting which historical era was most similar to the present day. “I thought that our current moment was like 1933 or 1968.” I started thinking about history. 1933––post financial crash, labor movement, and rise of fascism. 1968––civil rights, women’s movement, Vietnam. Interesting thought experiment.
As I reflected on some of those women, my grandmother immediately came to my mind. In my earliest recollections, she walked to and from work as a housekeeper, caring for the children in the household, cooking meals and cleaning their home. She was a very proud woman, who I often quote. She promised me I could learn something new every day. I do!
I had no idea how revolutionary the times were. In 1972, I learned the Chinese saying “Women hold up half the sky.” It represented my dreams and aspirations. What an exciting picture from halfway around the world of women working and collaborating. This was not a world of men, but of men and women, each equal and valuable! The revelatory concept of having international sisters uplifted me and gave me hope.
For years my pin code was 2012—don’t worry I’ve changed it long ago. 2012 would be the mark of 30 years as a city educator, I would be the minimum age 55, eligible to retire and begin collecting my pension. The year seemed far, far away and then came astoundingly fast. On my birthday in 2012 I was prepared. My volunteer projects, PhD program, redecorating, search for a vacation home, dogs and family were sure to keep me busy.
Money. It’s likely to bring up immediate reactions. I’ve had a mixed-status life regarding attitudes about money. One of my parents came from the hands-off, polite-people-don’t-discuss money perspective. The other parent saw discussing money as fair game––“I got this at fifty percent off on sale!” As a teen I became aware of friends whose lives were impacted by the ever-present stressors of generational and situational poverty. In my twenties I was part of a collective where pooling our money was expected: What’s mine is yours.
Housing is a core unresolved conflict here on Martha’s Vineyard. That’s why we are so pleased to support Healthy Aging MV with their new initiative called Home Sharing. We will be providing Facilitation and Conflict Coaching services for Healthy Aging participants as the host and guest work out mutually agreeable terms for sharing a home.
Re-entry mediation is an opportunity to make plans for the future. These mediation sessions can include up to three people––the individual’s family, friends, workplace associates, fellow church members, etc. Participants should be individuals who are important to the person who is or was incarcerated and who would benefit from a conversation in a neutral and safe setting. All cases are confidential.
MVMP is pleased to be one of ten organizations selected to participate in a multi-session intensive training on Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Justice, and Belonging (DEI J + B). In August, our staff participated in a kickoff session hosted by the MVNC in collaboration with Vernetta Walker & Associates Consulting and Sage Consulting Network. Prior to the session, staff had the opportunity to complete individual assessments to explore levels of understanding and comfort discussing topics like equity, structural racism, white dominant culture, and implicit bias. It was great to share observations in person with members of the 2022 cohort.
Thrum. Thrum. Bong. Bong. Step. Step. The sounds of the Queen of England’s funeral events had a somber musical score to match the occasion. A riveting theme for Britain and around the world. Throngs of well-wishers lined the avenues. Some commented that, despite the deep divides in that county and the vestiges of the colonial empire, the event of her death was uniting. At least for a historical moment.
Martha's Vineyard Mediation is part of a national network of USDA-supported farm, agriculture, and aquaculture mediation programs. If you know of any farms, farm stands, CSAs, or agricultural/ aqua-cultural businesses that have conflicts with debt, neighbors, succession planning, workplace conflict, management, or other matters, MV Mediation can help. Most services are free or low cost through USDA funding. We work with farms in Dukes, Barnstable, Bristol, and Plymouth Counties.
If someone had told me 10 years ago that I might suggest renaming our organization the Pickleball Mediation Program I would have laughed at the joke. I had no way of knowing even what pickleball was or how it would affect our program. A couple of years ago though, it appeared to me that the entire Board and service provider roster were a little more interested in playing pickleball than doing mediations. I, who cannot seem to hit anything with a bat, racket, or paddle to save my life, made fun of the crowd I called "pickleball mediators." We thought about having a pickleball tournament to raise money. We came up with metaphors about the game related to conflict resolution.
My conflict coach asked me a question. I didn't think much of it; she had been asking questions all along and we had developed a good rapport. As a first-time coaching client, I was enjoying the process. Shawra, my coach, had a nice tone to her voice. (The sessions were all by phone in those pre-Zoom days.) She seemed kind.
Conflict resolution techniques are not manipulation or coercion. In fact they are the opposite. When we teach a new approach such as question construction or detecting interests, better listening techniques, or using neutral language it's not to work on the other person. We are working on ourselves. Building our tool box. Expanding our repertoire. Taking responsibility for our own part in the conflict and in making the world around us a better place.
